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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Bloomingdales on the beach....

Me and my pal David Horowitz were hanging out in Montecito a while back. He was trying to re-route Islamic terrorists that may be lurking in Santa Barbara. I told Dave he needed to lighten up and let's go find some women like Reille Hunter...he smiled and said: "I'm short"..Now, that is true. Dave is short, about 5'2". But what he's done for the Jewish community makes him ten feet tall in my book. You know who's really short? the Iran leader guy..Smiley, I'll call him. Dave wants to bomb Iran everytime Smiley says something...they just had a rally against Smiley in New York where Jews were sounding like terrorists: KILL KILL KILL the Iranians! "You know, says Dave, being a Jew is more than just wearing black clothes, a beard and hanging out at La Guardia airport in New York! I said: yeah....


We decided to have drink and headed over to the Coral Casino..two little white kids were standing at the entrance, ushering visitors in...I went to the door and they squealed.."Sir Sir...you can't go in there"...Ty Warner doesn't like you..and besides, it costs $200,000 for a membership"....I said.... but I'm with David Horowitz..and he knows Andy Granatelli!..."Sorry" the kids say...
Dave looks at me like a boy who has lost his puppy..I looked at him like a man who didn't give a rat's ass...I remember this place years ago before Ty bought everything and started burning down his houses..it was really cool..casual, swimmers jumping off the pier. Now, the pier is long gone..everything is manicured, giant houses have replaced the old beach estates, fussy dog walkers abound, it is sterile and..lifeless. I asked Dave, is this how Jews like to live?

He looked at me like a little penguin and through his thick glasses,asked: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?I answered: Facing Bloomingdale's??
We laughed and went to the Biltmore for a drink and a princess...

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