Chamber of Horrors..the Play

location: Santa Barbara City Council Chambers...council hears staff report on labor contract and prepares to vote...

the players: Dale Francisco, a skinny, effeminate, ghoulish man with a pock-marked face..anti-labor
Das Williams, a young politically ambitious fellow, pro labor...has a bad dad
Groucho Marx.. a brilliant social critic
Mayor Blum..in a cameo appearance

act 1 scene 1
the rub: Francisco claims the city can't afford the small raises that were already budgeted for, and that the city needs to be frugal with the taxpayers money...nothing is more frugal than paying your work staff, who are taxpayers/renters/homeowners/moms and dads/citizens themselves..it pays returns Dale can't comprehend....

Dale (in whiny wavery voice): first of all, I don't think we should be giving city employees raises and another paid holiday..we need to spend taxpayers money more frugally, we need to ride out the recession...you'll be sorry if you grant these raises...
Das (obviously perturbed):listen Dale you fucking moron..the city and workers have been negotiating since October, the raise is minimal and budgeted for and you are a grandstanding monkey..why didn't you raise these concerns earlier?
Groucho: A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Dale:ohh ohh Das ..thanks for the performance evaluation..I did speak in negotiations about my concerns, but negotiations are private...
Das:you needed a performance evaluation, dickbrain, and did you really vote for prop 8..the Discrimination Act??
Groucho: Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Dale:I think Travis is hot! I wanna drink! do I look wasted??
Das:the people who elected you are retards and so are you, Rummy!!
Dale:oooh oooh..hee hee, I like sitting up here in these big chairs..weeeee
Das:putz..
Groucho: Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot!
Mayor Blum:is the council ready to vote? YES!?
Contract passes 6-1...
end of Act 1